「相見好，同住難」是常被人不斷提起的老話，狹義地表示成了年的或已結了婚的子女不宜和父母一起住，這樣會減少因代溝而引起的矛盾，有助維持兩代之間的良好關係。從很多現實的例子看，此話確言之成理，可供借鑑。
兩代人的生活方式、思想，行為往往不盡相同，除非逼不得已，何必同住一處呢？你愛靜，他愛動；你早眠，他午起；你悠閒，他忙碌；你懷舊，他喜新；你隨便，他執著；你節約，他揮霍∙∙∙∙∙∙縱使你能夠容納這些矛盾，也不應要求子女同樣地接受，長此下去也會成為一種無形的壓力。當各方都失去耐性時，關係便會立即起了變化。
父母尤其不宜與媳婦或女婿共同生活於一個屋簷下。試想一下，雙方素昧平生，只因子女和對方的結合才把你們扯上關係。你和沒有血緣的她或他不但缺乏了解，關係亦十分脆弱，不堪一擊。當遇上子女的另一半是外族人時，由於語言障礙，文化差異，溝通更加困難重重。當生活上產生了磨擦，感情便受到考驗；當關係破裂了，縱使雙方努力修補，亦難以回覆和好如初。
和子女的配偶關係起了變化之後，可能會影響你和子女的感情，誰是誰非永遠說不清。夾在其中的孫輩也可能會誤讀前輩的關係，使家庭失去平衡與和諧。無論從哪個角度去看，都是得不償失的。
世上最幸福的父母相信是一些擁有健康、財富，能夠獨立生活的人。他們不需兒孫照顧，而兒孫也不需要他們照顧。如果你符合這個條件，便是一個幸運兒。
不過人總會有變老的一天，健康大不如前。到了這一陣子，不由你不低頭求助，子女便成為你的靠山之一。為人子女的便須義不容辭，伸出援手，把父母留在身邊，以便照應。反過來說，當子女為生活奔波，無暇照顧他們的小孩時，父母也得拔刀相助，代行打點一切。兩代甚至數代同堂，可能是唯一的選擇。
除此之外，兩代同堂的生活方式是不值得鼓勵的。
黃啟樟 2013/3/18
www.davidkcwong.blogspot.ca
耶穌講: 孩子長大了要離開自己父母與配偶共同生活.
ReplyDeletewong wai
David,
ReplyDeleteThe March 19, Sing Tao paper has an article on intergenerational living. It tells of four generations living under one roof...how they handle living expenses, maintenance, child care, and conflicts. They all have jobs and can live separately, but chose to live together with the grandfather as the patriarch.
Studies have shown when a family has a strong family narrative, living together is not so difficult. The answer has to do with the individual as being part of a larger family. When the individual understands that the family has successes and failures and still remains a family, that individual will have the confidence of knowing that he belongs to something bigger than himself.
So, if you want to have one big happy family under one roof, you will have to tell and retell your family's positive moments and your ability to bounce back from adversities. This will increase the odds that your family will thrive for many generations to come.
Bill
David: This isn’t always the case. You must have heard about “assisted living” that is so popular nowadays. This is the way how it operates: When an old person gets old, feels lonely, and cannot take care of himself/herself, the person will go live in a housing where everything is taken care of:
ReplyDeleteA clean bed, all meals, mild exercises, entertainments and stuff. Cost ranges from $4,000.00 to $8,000.00 a month. Of course, if the person is flat broke, then he or she might have to beg the children to help out. Would the children help? I wouldn’t bet on it.
Hawaii’s population consists of nearly 20% senior citizens. As a result, we are bombarded daily with these ads besides “assisted living” Hearing Aids, Reversed Mortgage, and Gold Buyers.
Joe